I am definitely a diary person. And I don’t mean like a planner, or one of them diary’s where you write what you’re doing on March 23rd or whatever. I mean one of them books where you just write down whatever you’re thinking, and feeling.
(Not my diary)
I don’t know how long I’ve been keeping diaries. It was probably around when I learnt what one was to be honest. I’ve never really stopped since then. My current diary is from January 1, and it’s amazing to see how I’ve already matured so much since then.
All my feelings have completely changed, my happiness level has been altered, and reading it feels like I was a completely different person. Of course, half of that is down to the fact that I was surrounded my toxic people, and I changed that. Which by the way, is one of the hardest things I think I have ever had to do. And without my trusty diary, god knows how I would have done it.
It’s not really just writing down what your feeling sad about. It’s writing about everything you want to. Because it’s yours and nobody else will ever read it. It’s writing because you love to write about what you did today. It’s writing about all them feelings you daren’t say aloud. It’s writing about you, and not caring if you’re selfish, or if you’re rude, or if you’re unfair. It’s writing because sometimes you need to let everything out.
Most of my diary is just stating what I did today, whether I had an average day, or a colossal day. And that way, it’s like I won’t forget. I won’t forget what I said to this person, and I won’t forget what this person did, and I won’t forget how I felt, because it’s there.
(This is actually my diary. It’s from Paperchase – My favourite stationery shop ;p – and it costs £9. Quite cheap for such a good quality notebook. It comes with one of them book mark ribbons so I like it alot.)
It means, if I’m not sure how I should be feeling towards a person, I can look through and see how sad they made me feel. It’s so I know that yes, this person should be forgiven, but it should never be the same. If someone betrays me, which is obviously a very occasional occurrence, I know not to trust them again.
When my head is full to the brim with feelings, problems, and desires, writing it down lets go of some of the pressure. It relieves me of some of the feelings, it helps me makes sense of the emotions I can’t label, it helps me solve my conundrums, or it helps me say what not to do next time, and it helps me to deal with desires, or strive to get them.
If you own a diary, then you know what I’m saying. If you don’t, then you should buy one and find out. My diary is the one place I can be me in my darkest, and purest form. I don’t have to lie, and I don’t have to conceal some of the truth. I can confess, I can rant. i can do whatever. Because in that book, it’s just me.